Do you ever feel like your relationship with God is like a game of Chutes and Ladders? You go along up this ladder of “good Christian steps” that you think will bring you closer to God. Making sure you’re being a good girl, being nice, being responsible in school, going to church, doing the occasional good deed, and you’re like, “Man! I’m doing great! God must really like me right now! Surely I’m getting closer to Him!” Then, all of a sudden, you lose your temper big time with your family, shatter your no-swearing streak, and lay around watching TV when you know you should’ve been helping around the house, doing schoolwork, or using the abundant blessings God has given you to be out doing something good for the Kingdom. At that point, you feel worthless. You feel as if you’ve let yourself, God, and those you love down, and that you’ve just slid down a long chute, away from God, and out of reach of His grace and favor. When I look back, I realize this is basically how I looked at having a relationship with God. I mean, it’s not like I hadn’t heard or didn’t know that God loves his children unconditionally, I was simply clinging to a lie hidden in my heart that God would love me more, the more sinless I was. He has shown me that I was like both sons in the parable of the prodigal son! The younger son, when he realized at his lowest point how wrong he had been, thought that his bad choices and actions had removed him from his father’s love and grace, and then, when he planned to tell his father that he wasn’t worthy to be called his son, but would work for him like a hired servant, he was thinking that through his actions, he could earn his way back into his father’s love and grace. The older son becomes angry of his father’s forgiveness, and never ending love for his younger brother, whom he thought was most undeserving, saying,
“‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’” (Luke 15:28-30)
He also thought that through his actions all those years, he had earned the love of his father! The father lovingly responds,
“‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’” (Luke 15:31-32)
And that is what God is like. But to be honest, (which is what I promise to always be on this blog,) there are still times when I allow myself to believe that lie I had been sold by the enemy. In the past year and a half, though, my pathetic view of what I thought a relationship with God was, has been shattered! Through His word, some very strong Christians He has put in my path, and through some life changing experiences, He has been showing me what a TRUE relationship with Him is really like, and I LOVE IT!
What I’m starting to embrace more and more is the truth that God LOVES me, and His love cannot be changed by what I do, whether good or bad. And that is the most wonderful, liberating thing! His forgiveness and grace are so abounding, my mind can’t even grasp it! I know he is with me and because I rejoice in Him, I want to become even closer to Him, and advocate for the causes that are pressing on His heart. I have prayed, and He has faithfully answered, and shown me the most worthy cause to be passionate about: the over 147 MILLION precious orphans who suffer around the world, and wait for families, and to feel the love and hope to be found in Jesus Christ.
What has God withheld from me? The family He has blessed me with daily exceeds my wildest imagination for what I could hope for in a family. Sure, we may be “broken,” but who isn’t? My mamma, my brother, and my sister are each beautiful, precious masterpieces created by God, and I love them each so much. He gave me a best friend, and a sister of my heart in Lindsay, and He continues to strengthen our friendship by bringing us closer to Him. He has blessed me with countless friends, teachers, people in my church, and more who are each priceless treasures. All of my physical needs have been met all my life, past what most people in the world could ever hope for. And He has revealed to me that I am His daughter! HIM! The King of Kings, which makes me a Princess of Christ! So what has my Father in Heaven withheld from me? NOTHING! Why?! Why am I so blessed when I am still so broken and deserve so little? What am I going to do with the abundant blessings my King has poured upon me? I want to be the friend to those without one! I want to be a mommy, a helper, a VOICE for those who need one! I want to be a servant to those deemed “the least of these,” for God has revealed to me who they are: each and every one of them is handmade by God; a beautiful, highly valued masterpiece! A quote I heard and loved at Denver Christmas Conference through Campus Crusade this winter is this: “We are all valuable in the eye of the buyer. God bought us all with His Son’s blood.” ALL of us! The emaciated orphans in remote parts of Africa, the little street orphans who are thought of as lower than dogs in India, the “problem kids” with rough home lives in your classrooms, the people who have deeply hurt the ones I love, me you, EVERYONE is valuable beyond measure in God’s eyes! This, combined with the inextinguishable, unexplainable, burning love that God has created me to feel for these orphans is why I will be traveling to Jinja, Uganda with Visiting Orphans, and my best friend Lindsay, this June, where we will love on some GORGEOUS African treasures! I just have this feeling that God is going to change my life there! He has already moved mountains to get us there, not the least of which were my own doubts and fears, (but that’s a post for another day!)
Almost as a disclaimer, but more so that I may be genuine, I want to make it clear that I’m not trying to sell to you that my “going all in for God” life journey is going to be all butterflies and lollipops from here on out. I know a lot of our t-shirts and wristbands say it, but the Christian life is definitely not always about, “Smile! Jesus loves you!” Sometimes it’s cry, or feel really sad, or keep going even if you don’t understand why God is letting bad things happen to you, but it will be okay BECAUSE Jesus loves you. Nobody on this blog is going to tell you that becoming a more radical Christian is super easy, and makes you feel super cool by the standards of the world, all the time. Sometimes, you’re going to feel like, “Oh, man! What is this person going to think of me?, or Am I going to jeopardize this friendship by risking me and my friend’s comfort to bring Jesus into this?” (on that topic, check out the book I’m currently lovin’, called, A Million Ways to Die, by Rick James) And just because I say all of this and desire to take action in every area of my life, doesn’t make me some kind of a good Christian, (for faith without action is dead, James 2:17) and definitely doesn’t mean I’m not going to mess up. In fact, I know for SURE I’m going to fail, like, all the time! There’s no way I could NOT! I am sinful, and broken, but I am on this journey to the end, and God promises to be with me, and LOVE me through it all!
I’M A BLOGGER, BABAY!
I hope that all who read the words we have to say here are encouraged!
In Christ’s Love,
Allison
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